Hello My Freaky Darlings,
It has been a while, a lot has been going on. I am still very much alive! I sit here tonight sipping a glass of wine, and thinking about a bubble bath.
Should I be drinking this? Probably not, but right now I am not currently medicated and have not been so it's all good. Sometimes we have to do things in life that we want to do.
I have to enjoy this, I am not sure when it will happen again.
There are A LOT of decisions I need to make heath wise. I love when conversations with doctors start with " maybe we should have done.... " It just warms my heart to hear that. I think to regain my heath, I am going to have to fight for it. I am tired of being told that in order to be healthy I must poison myself. Doesn't that sound like an contradiction in terms?
I am tired of medication that makes me sick, I am tired of what it is doing to me, I am just tired. I want to feel good again, I want to wake up and not feel so sluggish. I want to look in a mirror and not see sickness.
I just want to feel beautiful again...
mmk I promise not to be so down on our next chat ;)
xoxoxo
TBC
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
Wednesday, September 18, 2013
Love is all ya need ;)
My son asked me tonight "what does Biology have to do with being family?"
My Reply " Not a damn thing"
My son: So why does it matter that we don't have the same blood?"
ME: I don't know sweetheart, I don't understand it either"
My Son: "I wouldn't pick her"
Me: for what?
MY son: To be my mom
Me: Ok..
My son: I pick you..
ME: All teary eyed "Thank you, that means alot"
My son: so should we do that thing, where we cut ourselves, then we would have the same blood
ME: No baby, we don't have to have the same blood for me to love you and be your mom
I am the mother of 6 children. I love all 6 of my children. Each and every one of them has a piece of my heart. This will not change. Please, DO NOT question this, please do NOT bring up blood and biology to me... My heart does NOT realize that I only physically gave birth to 3 of them. My heart only realizes that I have 6 amazing children, each of the different, but each of them MINE! It breaks my heart in this day and age, that blood and biology is brought up before love and care are.
I have many people that I consider family, most of them are of my heart. My dearest friend, my sister, is the sister of my heart. I refer to her as my sister, that is how my heart thinks of her. Most times, I forget we are not "biologically related" but that has never meant much to me... or her.. but love, love does.
Love is all we need in our family,
Till next time
TBC
Sunday, September 15, 2013
Lesson's Learned
I love to learn, if I could be paid to go to school for the rest of my life I would. I love being a student, and the AHAA! moment from when I grasp a new lesson.
This week I learned 3 very important lessons :) Two, are tied together.
Lesson #1
I have goals, goals attached to my business, goals that scare the ever loving crap out of me. They are so big and powerful in my mind and the vision is so real for me, sometimes it is hard for me to even believe that I WILL one day reach them!
I have been a doubting Thomas this week, I have begin to wonder if I was where I should be, and pursuing what I need to do...it is my opinion that it is an attack from the devil, the devil tries to destroy all that is good, and tries to get you off the path you are meant to go down, and he uses doubt and fear, the closer you are to where God wants you, the more he attacks.
I received 2 very POWERFUL affirmations this week, to confirm that I am indeed where I need to be!
Affirmation 1: a post card from my director, reaffirming my goals, and giving me a GO GET EM" Speech :) she sent it to me before she left for China!
Affirmation 2: I re-posted a neat picture of Pink Caddie's parading in Dallas for Mary Kay's 50th Anniversary. A dear friend posted a comment to my picture, that I was Next! She totally believes that I will win a Caddie, I think I cried when I saw her comment. It was everything I needed and more!
My lesson learned: Even when I don't believe in myself, other's believe in my dreams!
Lesson 2 was more of a bitter sweet lesson learned.
Lesson# 2
I confided in whom I thought was a friend, an important decision I am trying to make about my health. It was met with an incredibly ugly and hurtful remark. I was totally shocked by her words, that I could not construct a comeback at the exact moment of our conversation. I probably handled it wrong, but ehhh I am not perfect.
I posted this on facebook in response:
Oh and one more thought for the day! If your friend shares with you that she is contemplating a surgery that will help her remove cancer that she has been fighting... say a mastectomy or a hysterectomy..
Please do not in any way shape or form ask her why, or suggest to her that she is giving up, or hint that this will in some sort of way make her a freak and make her any less of a woman.
I promise you ANY woman in that position is looking for long term solutions that will keep her around, that will get rid of the sick parts, so she can be healthy... It is NOT a decision one makes lightly, and if she is sharing it with you, she is looking for support.. be thankful she thought you could be trusted with the information, and it will probably be the LAST time she trusts you with ANY information.
Just your everyday average public service announcement after all maybe she didn't realize she was being rude, and mean. Maybe she would see this and realize she offended me. Well, that didn't happen, and I did indeed have to take her out of my circle. :( That was the bitter part of my lesson. I learned that you can not trust everyone.
The Sweet: I had several amazing responses from friends that were encouraging and uplifting. It really made me feel better after the other incident.
It truly was a week of learning where I stand, sometimes it is good to know where you stand, whom you can trust. Life is a hard road, and it is not meant to walk alone. It is good to know who you travel with, and even who will help you carry your load for a bit when you can't.
It is also good to know that people believe that I will one day be in my own Cadillac, and truly believe in my business and my ability to do it well!
My heart is full today! Yesterday is over, it is time for a new day! It put's me one day closer to my love being home, one day closer to my Cadillac. I am off here to spend my day with the kiddo's, and tackle a mountain of Laundry!
Have a blessed Sunday!
TBC
This week I learned 3 very important lessons :) Two, are tied together.
Lesson #1
I have goals, goals attached to my business, goals that scare the ever loving crap out of me. They are so big and powerful in my mind and the vision is so real for me, sometimes it is hard for me to even believe that I WILL one day reach them!
I have been a doubting Thomas this week, I have begin to wonder if I was where I should be, and pursuing what I need to do...it is my opinion that it is an attack from the devil, the devil tries to destroy all that is good, and tries to get you off the path you are meant to go down, and he uses doubt and fear, the closer you are to where God wants you, the more he attacks.
I received 2 very POWERFUL affirmations this week, to confirm that I am indeed where I need to be!
Affirmation 1: a post card from my director, reaffirming my goals, and giving me a GO GET EM" Speech :) she sent it to me before she left for China!
Affirmation 2: I re-posted a neat picture of Pink Caddie's parading in Dallas for Mary Kay's 50th Anniversary. A dear friend posted a comment to my picture, that I was Next! She totally believes that I will win a Caddie, I think I cried when I saw her comment. It was everything I needed and more!
My lesson learned: Even when I don't believe in myself, other's believe in my dreams!
Lesson 2 was more of a bitter sweet lesson learned.
Lesson# 2
I confided in whom I thought was a friend, an important decision I am trying to make about my health. It was met with an incredibly ugly and hurtful remark. I was totally shocked by her words, that I could not construct a comeback at the exact moment of our conversation. I probably handled it wrong, but ehhh I am not perfect.
I posted this on facebook in response:
Oh and one more thought for the day! If your friend shares with you that she is contemplating a surgery that will help her remove cancer that she has been fighting... say a mastectomy or a hysterectomy..
Please do not in any way shape or form ask her why, or suggest to her that she is giving up, or hint that this will in some sort of way make her a freak and make her any less of a woman.
I promise you ANY woman in that position is looking for long term solutions that will keep her around, that will get rid of the sick parts, so she can be healthy... It is NOT a decision one makes lightly, and if she is sharing it with you, she is looking for support.. be thankful she thought you could be trusted with the information, and it will probably be the LAST time she trusts you with ANY information.
Just your everyday average public service announcement after all maybe she didn't realize she was being rude, and mean. Maybe she would see this and realize she offended me. Well, that didn't happen, and I did indeed have to take her out of my circle. :( That was the bitter part of my lesson. I learned that you can not trust everyone.
The Sweet: I had several amazing responses from friends that were encouraging and uplifting. It really made me feel better after the other incident.
It truly was a week of learning where I stand, sometimes it is good to know where you stand, whom you can trust. Life is a hard road, and it is not meant to walk alone. It is good to know who you travel with, and even who will help you carry your load for a bit when you can't.
It is also good to know that people believe that I will one day be in my own Cadillac, and truly believe in my business and my ability to do it well!
My heart is full today! Yesterday is over, it is time for a new day! It put's me one day closer to my love being home, one day closer to my Cadillac. I am off here to spend my day with the kiddo's, and tackle a mountain of Laundry!
Have a blessed Sunday!
TBC
Wednesday, September 11, 2013
Soap Box, Firefighter style
I can tell you where I was 12 years ago today, I was dropping my son at pre-school so I could go be a firefighter. I was a single mom, a student, a firefighter and a waitress.
I watched "My Brother's" run into a building, I watched the building fall on them and the police officers and the people in the buildings, at that moment my heart broke, being in the fire service, and being trained as a firefighter I knew the outcome was not going to be good.
I can NOT explain to you the pride I had as I watched them rush into the building. People often wonder why they charged with such passion, but I know why. I have done it myself. There is a moment when you place the people that need help, above yourself, when you know that there is a good chance you will get hurt in that process, that is such a self-less act, it is in that moment you are a hero.
It was great to see the country rally around each other and help each other out, strangers became friends, friends became family, and for a little while we were united.
People remembered that firefighters, EMT's and police officers were important, before that day it seamed that only members of the Military Service were recognized for their sacrifices.
Please understand I am not saying that being called to a foreign country in the time of war and being away from your family for months at a time is the same as what I did in the fire service, Remember my spouse is deployed so I see both sides of the fence.
As a firefighter I was called to action during dinner, grocery shopping, school plays, 3 am, etc. I worked at a Volunteer station, so that 3 am call to a house fire, was done.. for free. Think about that next time the fire department is raising funds in your area ;) Most fire stations in the US are volunteer that gives a whole new meaning to public service.
I want to know..What happened to that UNITED America? Where people would go out of their way to help one another? Where people were not judged based on religion, gender or skin color?
I have seen some posts on my FACE BOOK wall, from people that I have respected for many years that have shocked me the last few days. All I can do is shake my head.
I am sorry that the bikers were denied their permit to rally, but they filed it AFTER the Muslims did, so they were granted it first. It has to do with improper planning, nothing else.
The post I am thinking about talks about Bikers CONFRONTING the Muslims because of this... UMMM you just turned something beautiful, like remembering this Horrible day, and gathering together ..into a pre-meditated hate crime.
The last time this world saw a group of people "confronting" a religion was NAZI Germany, and millions of Jews died simply because they were Jewish. If you continue to think this way, and to treat innocent Americans this way, you are no better than Hitler and we are headed for another Holocaust. o_O
Not every Muslim is a terrorist, and not every German is a Nazi, this needs to be a billboard somewhere I swear!!
We are Americans and we need to remember that and act accordingly.
I watched "My Brother's" run into a building, I watched the building fall on them and the police officers and the people in the buildings, at that moment my heart broke, being in the fire service, and being trained as a firefighter I knew the outcome was not going to be good.
I can NOT explain to you the pride I had as I watched them rush into the building. People often wonder why they charged with such passion, but I know why. I have done it myself. There is a moment when you place the people that need help, above yourself, when you know that there is a good chance you will get hurt in that process, that is such a self-less act, it is in that moment you are a hero.
It was great to see the country rally around each other and help each other out, strangers became friends, friends became family, and for a little while we were united.
People remembered that firefighters, EMT's and police officers were important, before that day it seamed that only members of the Military Service were recognized for their sacrifices.
Please understand I am not saying that being called to a foreign country in the time of war and being away from your family for months at a time is the same as what I did in the fire service, Remember my spouse is deployed so I see both sides of the fence.
As a firefighter I was called to action during dinner, grocery shopping, school plays, 3 am, etc. I worked at a Volunteer station, so that 3 am call to a house fire, was done.. for free. Think about that next time the fire department is raising funds in your area ;) Most fire stations in the US are volunteer that gives a whole new meaning to public service.
I want to know..What happened to that UNITED America? Where people would go out of their way to help one another? Where people were not judged based on religion, gender or skin color?
I have seen some posts on my FACE BOOK wall, from people that I have respected for many years that have shocked me the last few days. All I can do is shake my head.
I am sorry that the bikers were denied their permit to rally, but they filed it AFTER the Muslims did, so they were granted it first. It has to do with improper planning, nothing else.
The post I am thinking about talks about Bikers CONFRONTING the Muslims because of this... UMMM you just turned something beautiful, like remembering this Horrible day, and gathering together ..into a pre-meditated hate crime.
The last time this world saw a group of people "confronting" a religion was NAZI Germany, and millions of Jews died simply because they were Jewish. If you continue to think this way, and to treat innocent Americans this way, you are no better than Hitler and we are headed for another Holocaust. o_O
Not every Muslim is a terrorist, and not every German is a Nazi, this needs to be a billboard somewhere I swear!!
We are Americans and we need to remember that and act accordingly.
Monday, September 9, 2013
The Battle belongs to the Lord
So I have been mulling over some news, news that I wasn't expecting, news that I was not wanting... but it isn't going to go away yet.. no matter how much I want it to.
The treatment route I want to go is expensive, but in the end.. I think it is going to be in my best interest to go that route.
So we still have a battle yet, but fear not..the battle, it belongs to The Lord, and in Jeremiah 29:11 He has promised me Hope, and a future.
I am a little disappointed, but it is what it is, it is time to move on to the next steps, This has by no means messed with my faith,nor my spirit :)
I love this song by Mandisa! It is an awesome reminder! That I will overcome every trial!!
Till next time !
TBC
Tuesday, September 3, 2013
The shortest year in history!
Good Tuesday/Monday morning! Yes I know it is Tuesday, but for those of us with kids.. it is our Monday.
I am being nostalgic this week, I got an email from my company, it was awesome! It said:
I am being nostalgic this week, I got an email from my company, it was awesome! It said:
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Sunday, September 1, 2013
Remember Me?
Have you missed me? LOL probably not. I took a 2 week vacation to get my routine in for school. It's been hectic with getting a routine set.
I have done ALOT since we have last met, I did extreme makeover office addition in my house, I will be sharing some pictures of that in the future.
My kiddo's came back from their grammy's house. YAY, school started!
Anddddddddd my inner circle has become a little smaller. That was a hard decision... The hardest I have had to make in a while, but I think it is for the best.
OH! and completely happy news, my sister's hubs came home for a short time ( he is Military, and has an assignment in another country) I was very excited for her!
This was birthday weekend in my house, JR God certainly has blessed me with him.
He is an amazing son. I can't say he is just my step son, that is no where near the truth, when you are blessed with additional children they become children of your heart, and it doesn't matter if you are the birth parent, they are your child. I will fight for him, love him, and enjoy his teen years.
We were up pretty late last night... well I should say early this AM, so I am off to sleep :) I just thought I would check in and say, yes I am alive.
I am not sure if this is read, but even if it is not... it is good to have a way to express feelings :) I will check back in tomorrow, I have a lot of posts to make :)
xooxooxx
TBC
I have done ALOT since we have last met, I did extreme makeover office addition in my house, I will be sharing some pictures of that in the future.
My kiddo's came back from their grammy's house. YAY, school started!
Anddddddddd my inner circle has become a little smaller. That was a hard decision... The hardest I have had to make in a while, but I think it is for the best.
OH! and completely happy news, my sister's hubs came home for a short time ( he is Military, and has an assignment in another country) I was very excited for her!
This was birthday weekend in my house, JR God certainly has blessed me with him.
He is an amazing son. I can't say he is just my step son, that is no where near the truth, when you are blessed with additional children they become children of your heart, and it doesn't matter if you are the birth parent, they are your child. I will fight for him, love him, and enjoy his teen years.
We were up pretty late last night... well I should say early this AM, so I am off to sleep :) I just thought I would check in and say, yes I am alive.
I am not sure if this is read, but even if it is not... it is good to have a way to express feelings :) I will check back in tomorrow, I have a lot of posts to make :)
xooxooxx
TBC
Sunday, August 18, 2013
Pokey
Everyone, meet Pokey, this bear is one of my oldest possessions, he is one of my favorites. He has been with me for every surgery I have had, we have spent very few nights apart. He goes with me everywhere.
This photo was taken in Charlotte for Mary Kay career conference. New friends look at me strange, after all I am a thirty-something year old woman, and this is a tattered bear.
Oh the secrets he would spill if he could talk. He was with me each day 3 of my children were born, and he was with me the night I met my amazing step-children. He even snuggles when people are sad or hurt, he just seems to make people feel better. He has heard my cry my share of heartbreaks, laugh when I was happy, he even has had special permission to stay with me during surgeries. The only thing he does not get along with is Ginger, the dog (she ate his ears)
My family has somewhat accepted my need to have him with me, although I think they secretly think I am crazy. I am perfectly ok with that. Some woman are mortified if people find out their favorite child hood friend is discovered by their peers. I am not that woman, He is and always will be my treasured confident ;)
This is how I picture him every night, letting me sleep, keeping the bad dreams away. He is apart of what makes me unique, a quirky part of my personality.
Well anywho, now that you think I am completely nuts, I am off to dream land, Pokey is off to bear duty!
You can also follow pokey on facebook ;) Pokey's Facebook
Sweet Dreams!
Saturday, August 17, 2013
10 seconds left to play... what's your move?
Today I am having a little thing called "survivor's guilt" There has been so much death and suffering from cancer in my world this week.. I am literally in tears over it. I will never understand God's reasoning on taking others, and leaving the rest, but it is out of my relm of understanding.
Last year I got to meet an amazing family, the Cooke's. I love these people, they are so amazing. Wesley, a child in there family, who is ONLY 4 has been fighting cancer and chemo since around Christmas, it breaks my heart watching his struggle, and then I look at my cancer battle, and I don't even feel right calling mine a battle, it hasn't been anywhere near what poor Wes and his family have gone through. I don't like sharing a lot of my struggle with it, because.. in all honesty I would trade places in a millisecond with Wesley, so that his awesome family gets peace. This baby, has shown such strength and such awesomeness, that sometimes I can't even show. I have been known to wait till everyone goes to bed,pop in a movie that makes me cry... and just cry.
His mother Lu needs some sort of Super Hero award, she is an amazing woman, so strong, and so graceful. I have watched this family rally around, pitch in and share the load. Wesley is not an only child, he has siblings, so literally the family has stepped up and helped lu and john care for all of their children. WOW.. is all I can say to that.
Jessica Cooke, Wesley's aunt, offered to be on the phone with me.. while I go to the doctor so that someone is with me, my heart was touched beyond words with that offer, but that is the way the Cooke's are, so as touched as I was, I was no where near surprised. Wesley's battle is still on going, so please, take a moment and pray for Wesley and his family <3
I have posted the link to Wesley's Facebook , just click on it, it will take to updates on how he is doing, Please put him on your prayer list, or donate to his fund if you are able to.
~.~
Some of the woman that have died this week from cancer have impacted so many lives, including my own. Rena Tarbot was an amazing woman, she fought cancer for 37 years, she impacted others with her story. She was a retired Mary Kay NSD. I had heard her speak before she retired, it was awesome. You could truly see the God in her.
In time's like these it is hard not to question my existence, I don't like questioning the plan God has for me, because I know there is a reason for everything he does. I just know that there is so much more I need to do in life, I don't feel I have made the impact I am meant to make and it frustrates me beyond measure. I know God has called me to service woman in my business, make them feel special, make them feel important. I am not living up to what I need to do. I realize this every time I see a report from Wesley's Facebook, or in hearing the passing of someone I know. God always speaks to me in these times and reminds me time is precious and not promised. I recently have been faced with my own mortality, and People, I can tell you , I haven't liked what I have seen, too many things I want to do... so much time wasted, but I can fix that, that is why my "Bucket List" has been change to my TO DO list, I want to make what seams impossible.. Possible!
I have titled it : Mission Possible!!
SO My question to you is, What have you always wanted to do, but never dared to do? Why haven't you done it?
Watch this Video, it will really inspire you :) My friend Elizabeth shared it in our Mary Kay group, it has been amazing.
When the final buzzer buzzes for me I want to say, I lived!!!! WOOT I am ready to go home, I don't ever want to have everything I ever wanted to do flash in front of my eyes again!
Where do you want to be?
Every Morning I wake up, and say YES, I can do this! It's possible, I am going to accomplish Mission Possible!!!
It is raining again, I think I shall go walk in it, and pretend it is dancing! thank God for today ;)
Friday, August 16, 2013
New Beginnings
This is the start to my little garden. The left window sill is my Lavender, the right are herbs. under the window we have my aloe which multiplied, my jade plant, broccoli, dill and the tallerish one which is spinach.
(not pictured is my rosemary, and she for some reason didn't make it in the shot. )
Most of my plants will start as seeds,it will take them longer, but my plan is to start them as seedlings and plant them next year. I am pretty new to this gardening thing, I have become very interested lately in growing food, the health benefits, and the economic benefits are so worth it. Buying fresh veggies is becoming too expensive, and too risky, it seems every week we hear about an E coli scare from crops. With my recent health scares, it has become a no brainier I need to eat more organic, and I am sorry I do not trust that the produce at "wal mart" is organic.
I have started shopping the local farmers market on weekends. I love the atmosphere, even if I am not buying anything it is nice to just walk around and talk to different people and find out how they do things. The produce is better quality and a lot of times cheaper than the stores.
There is also something therapeutic about growing things, and watching them grow. I am supposed to pick projects that are relaxing, so I picked gardening and writing. I want to eventually have a few egg laying chickens, so we can have fresh eggs as well. My friend Khristi has a little urban garden, I face book follow/stalk her and her little urban homestead, and it has really inspired me expand my horizons. Her blog is called Colored Egg Homestead.
My son Jr wants to modify my back yard, he is very excited about having less grass to mow LOL, he also talks about all of the things we can grow. Next year he wants us to grow corn, pumpkins and cucumbers. ( I am already looking for seeds :) I am planing on way more than that. I want the works. It will be hard work, but it will be worth it.
This is my friend Kristi's blog, she always has something awesome going on, and some cool recipes as well :) just tell her Kate sent you!
Till next time!
Kate
Thursday, August 15, 2013
Fuzzy Socks
Our lives are made up by a series of moments, some are more memorable in our minds. We can tell you down to the exact second where we were, what we were doing, and how this moment effected us. It is not so much these moments that define us, it is how we react to them.
Lately my life seems like a roller coaster and then I went into auto pilot mode, because after a while it just seamed surreal. Its been Surgery, surgery, deployment, surgery... and then the FOG.
My second surgery was to finish the first surgery, but it was in this time that I learned that my love was deploying, he came in and sat on the bed, and said.. "well you get to be rid of me for 9 months"" I was like WAIT! WHAT? I don't want to be rid of you for 9 months. *sigh* He waited so long to tell me, he said he didn't want me to worry, The C word had given me enough to worry about. He always shows great care for me in that way. My latest surgery was last Monday, he called before, emailed me after, and then when I was awake enough to talk, he called. Those are the moments I remember about that day. I remember my step-son Jr, coming and and checking on me several times, he made me breakfast and lunch,and when I burned dinner he ate it without complaining. I remember my sister calling, and being motherly all the way from Texas and laughing with me when I realized I still had 2 boobs. I choose to focus on the those moments, the warm fuzzy moments, the moments that build, not the moments that rip you apart, because when you are at your lowest point, (and anyone who has ever had the C word, or has been through a deployment or a hard time... can tell you.. its those moments you choose to remember after all... on a cold night, its the warm fuzzy socks that make it better :)
Lately my life seems like a roller coaster and then I went into auto pilot mode, because after a while it just seamed surreal. Its been Surgery, surgery, deployment, surgery... and then the FOG.
My second surgery was to finish the first surgery, but it was in this time that I learned that my love was deploying, he came in and sat on the bed, and said.. "well you get to be rid of me for 9 months"" I was like WAIT! WHAT? I don't want to be rid of you for 9 months. *sigh* He waited so long to tell me, he said he didn't want me to worry, The C word had given me enough to worry about. He always shows great care for me in that way. My latest surgery was last Monday, he called before, emailed me after, and then when I was awake enough to talk, he called. Those are the moments I remember about that day. I remember my step-son Jr, coming and and checking on me several times, he made me breakfast and lunch,and when I burned dinner he ate it without complaining. I remember my sister calling, and being motherly all the way from Texas and laughing with me when I realized I still had 2 boobs. I choose to focus on the those moments, the warm fuzzy moments, the moments that build, not the moments that rip you apart, because when you are at your lowest point, (and anyone who has ever had the C word, or has been through a deployment or a hard time... can tell you.. its those moments you choose to remember after all... on a cold night, its the warm fuzzy socks that make it better :)
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