Everyone, meet Pokey, this bear is one of my oldest possessions, he is one of my favorites. He has been with me for every surgery I have had, we have spent very few nights apart. He goes with me everywhere.
This photo was taken in Charlotte for Mary Kay career conference. New friends look at me strange, after all I am a thirty-something year old woman, and this is a tattered bear.
Oh the secrets he would spill if he could talk. He was with me each day 3 of my children were born, and he was with me the night I met my amazing step-children. He even snuggles when people are sad or hurt, he just seems to make people feel better. He has heard my cry my share of heartbreaks, laugh when I was happy, he even has had special permission to stay with me during surgeries. The only thing he does not get along with is Ginger, the dog (she ate his ears)
My family has somewhat accepted my need to have him with me, although I think they secretly think I am crazy. I am perfectly ok with that. Some woman are mortified if people find out their favorite child hood friend is discovered by their peers. I am not that woman, He is and always will be my treasured confident ;)
This is how I picture him every night, letting me sleep, keeping the bad dreams away. He is apart of what makes me unique, a quirky part of my personality.
Well anywho, now that you think I am completely nuts, I am off to dream land, Pokey is off to bear duty!
Today I am having a little thing called "survivor's guilt" There has been so much death and suffering from cancer in my world this week.. I am literally in tears over it. I will never understand God's reasoning on taking others, and leaving the rest, but it is out of my relm of understanding.
Last year I got to meet an amazing family, the Cooke's. I love these people, they are so amazing. Wesley, a child in there family, who is ONLY 4 has been fighting cancer and chemo since around Christmas, it breaks my heart watching his struggle, and then I look at my cancer battle, and I don't even feel right calling mine a battle, it hasn't been anywhere near what poor Wes and his family have gone through. I don't like sharing a lot of my struggle with it, because.. in all honesty I would trade places in a millisecond with Wesley, so that his awesome family gets peace. This baby, has shown such strength and such awesomeness, that sometimes I can't even show. I have been known to wait till everyone goes to bed,pop in a movie that makes me cry... and just cry.
His mother Lu needs some sort of Super Hero award, she is an amazing woman, so strong, and so graceful. I have watched this family rally around, pitch in and share the load. Wesley is not an only child, he has siblings, so literally the family has stepped up and helped lu and john care for all of their children. WOW.. is all I can say to that.
Jessica Cooke, Wesley's aunt, offered to be on the phone with me.. while I go to the doctor so that someone is with me, my heart was touched beyond words with that offer, but that is the way the Cooke's are, so as touched as I was, I was no where near surprised. Wesley's battle is still on going, so please, take a moment and pray for Wesley and his family <3
I have posted the link to Wesley's Facebook , just click on it, it will take to updates on how he is doing, Please put him on your prayer list, or donate to his fund if you are able to.
~.~
Some of the woman that have died this week from cancer have impacted so many lives, including my own. Rena Tarbot was an amazing woman, she fought cancer for 37 years, she impacted others with her story. She was a retired Mary Kay NSD. I had heard her speak before she retired, it was awesome. You could truly see the God in her.
In time's like these it is hard not to question my existence, I don't like questioning the plan God has for me, because I know there is a reason for everything he does. I just know that there is so much more I need to do in life, I don't feel I have made the impact I am meant to make and it frustrates me beyond measure. I know God has called me to service woman in my business, make them feel special, make them feel important. I am not living up to what I need to do. I realize this every time I see a report from Wesley's Facebook, or in hearing the passing of someone I know. God always speaks to me in these times and reminds me time is precious and not promised. I recently have been faced with my own mortality, and People, I can tell you , I haven't liked what I have seen, too many things I want to do... so much time wasted, but I can fix that, that is why my "Bucket List" has been change to my TO DO list, I want to make what seams impossible.. Possible!
I have titled it : Mission Possible!!
SO My question to you is, What have you always wanted to do, but never dared to do? Why haven't you done it?
Watch this Video, it will really inspire you :) My friend Elizabeth shared it in our Mary Kay group, it has been amazing.
When the final buzzer buzzes for me I want to say, I lived!!!! WOOT I am ready to go home, I don't ever want to have everything I ever wanted to do flash in front of my eyes again!
Where do you want to be?
Every Morning I wake up, and say YES, I can do this! It's possible, I am going to accomplish Mission Possible!!!
It is raining again, I think I shall go walk in it, and pretend it is dancing! thank God for today ;)
This is the start to my little garden. The left window sill is my Lavender, the right are herbs. under the window we have my aloe which multiplied, my jade plant, broccoli, dill and the tallerish one which is spinach.
(not pictured is my rosemary, and she for some reason didn't make it in the shot. )
Most of my plants will start as seeds,it will take them longer, but my plan is to start them as seedlings and plant them next year. I am pretty new to this gardening thing, I have become very interested lately in growing food, the health benefits, and the economic benefits are so worth it. Buying fresh veggies is becoming too expensive, and too risky, it seems every week we hear about an E coli scare from crops. With my recent health scares, it has become a no brainier I need to eat more organic, and I am sorry I do not trust that the produce at "wal mart" is organic.
I have started shopping the local farmers market on weekends. I love the atmosphere, even if I am not buying anything it is nice to just walk around and talk to different people and find out how they do things. The produce is better quality and a lot of times cheaper than the stores.
There is also something therapeutic about growing things, and watching them grow. I am supposed to pick projects that are relaxing, so I picked gardening and writing. I want to eventually have a few egg laying chickens, so we can have fresh eggs as well. My friend Khristi has a little urban garden, I face book follow/stalk her and her little urban homestead, and it has really inspired me expand my horizons. Her blog is called Colored Egg Homestead.
My son Jr wants to modify my back yard, he is very excited about having less grass to mow LOL, he also talks about all of the things we can grow. Next year he wants us to grow corn, pumpkins and cucumbers. ( I am already looking for seeds :) I am planing on way more than that. I want the works. It will be hard work, but it will be worth it.
This is my friend Kristi's blog, she always has something awesome going on, and some cool recipes as well :) just tell her Kate sent you!
Our lives are made up by a series of moments, some are more memorable in our minds. We can tell you down to the exact second where we were, what we were doing, and how this moment effected us. It is not so much these moments that define us, it is how we react to them.
Lately my life seems like a roller coaster and then I went into auto pilot mode, because after a while it just seamed surreal. Its been Surgery, surgery, deployment, surgery... and then the FOG.
My second surgery was to finish the first surgery, but it was in this time that I learned that my love was deploying, he came in and sat on the bed, and said.. "well you get to be rid of me for 9 months"" I was like WAIT! WHAT? I don't want to be rid of you for 9 months. *sigh* He waited so long to tell me, he said he didn't want me to worry, The C word had given me enough to worry about. He always shows great care for me in that way. My latest surgery was last Monday, he called before, emailed me after, and then when I was awake enough to talk, he called. Those are the moments I remember about that day. I remember my step-son Jr, coming and and checking on me several times, he made me breakfast and lunch,and when I burned dinner he ate it without complaining. I remember my sister calling, and being motherly all the way from Texas and laughing with me when I realized I still had 2 boobs. I choose to focus on the those moments, the warm fuzzy moments, the moments that build, not the moments that rip you apart, because when you are at your lowest point, (and anyone who has ever had the C word, or has been through a deployment or a hard time... can tell you.. its those moments you choose to remember after all... on a cold night, its the warm fuzzy socks that make it better :)
This is how I picture him every night, letting me sleep, keeping the bad dreams away. He is apart of what makes me unique, a quirky part of my personality. 
